A forever work in progress

“So then Lisa, tell me about your family.” “OK sure, what would you like to know exactly?” “How about we start with your parents, what do they do?” “Well, one is a KC and one volunteers.” “Oh OK. A KC? That's like a super barrister or something right?” Lisa smiles. “Yes, well, something like that.” “I assume that's your mother?” Lisa looks back quizzically. “Why would you say that?” “Well you didn't say which one did which so I'm guessing you're testing me. So… tell me where does your father volunteer?” “Tres bien. I am impressed. Well … Daddy offers his services wherever they're needed.” Fred tries not to look too pleased with himself. He can't see the look on his face but he does fail rather spectacularly.  “Well good for him. Are they still together?” “Oh yes very much so. They are incredibly happy together.” “Have you ever asked them the secret to their happiness?” “No, actually I can't say I've ever thought to ask. If I was to offer a guess I...

I find that when I write that I'm able to quickly forget that I'm still actually just silly old me. I'm somehow and perhaps rather worryingly easily able to fool myself into believing that I've inhabited the mind of someone else entirely new. Someone instantly more likeable, even if the characters that flow from the recesses of my mind are in general always similarly deeply flawed and troubled individuals.  I allow them the forgiveness that I cannot bestow upon myself. I write about their misdeeds and mistakes but readily admit that I've done far worse in my own lifetime. It's certainly easier to let them fill my time in a world where I have no desire to no longer be. I don't write about superheroes, just the average person you might walk past on any given day of the week. I somehow embody that person for an hour or two, I talk like they talk, act like they act but readers could be forgiven for thinking whoever I've embodied that it's still really ju...

"Rebecca, there's a saying in our family that when you want to find out the truth about something or how someone really feels then pick an argument on a night out when everyone's well oiled." "What? Do people in your family really say that?" "No, don't be daft all your life take the day off. However! … Whilst they don't say it, they certainly do it. It's how I know our Maggie's husband James has a cock the size and appearance of a bite size spring roll." Rebecca begins to splutter and choke as her laugh forces the mouthful of water she'd just taken out through her nose like her name was now Moby. Oh well at least there would be one impressive dick featured in this conversation.  "Trust you for funding that funny. I can't think of anything else now if I bump into him and I'll never eat a spring roll of any size ever again." Finally after what seemed an eternity Rebecca recomposes herself and has clearly used the...

I often think the world would be a better place if we simply didn't open our mouths and speak at all. Or at least if and when we did there was an enforced period of silence where we were forced to work out whether there might be something offensive or triggering in what we are about to say. Or even just a general check for stupidity, dip the litmus paper on your tongue and check it for levels of acidity. If for any reason you're feeling unsure just stay silent as a church mouse.  We all carry our own gripes. For example when a fat person tells a skinny person “it's alright for you, you can eat what you want,” they're often missing the fact that most skinny people are that way because of eating disorders that they're really not keen on other people finding out about. Or when the skinny person tells that story to someone they trust and in turn fat shame them are they at least the better person for not saying that they think they're fat to their face? Are they both...

He sat and watched intently as the woman on the table opposite sat stirring a spoon slowly round and round the mug in front of her absent mindedly. Even the clinking of metal on the porcelain couldn't stir her back to reality from whatever land her thoughts had whisked her off to. Her gaze on a fixed point somewhere behind him but whilst physically present, clearly she was deep in thought. Usually he'd have made a point to ask her to stop because the noise grated on him but for some reason with her it felt mean for him to do so. Besides in truth it wasn't doing him any physical harm and it gave him the perfect chance to study her face without her being any the wiser. He let out the briefest of smiles to himself as the thought flashed across his mind that he truly is as fickle as the next man. One rule for one, another rule entirely when it comes to pretty women.  Finally on some level her senses must have alerted her to the clinking sound and she looked down at the mug in s...

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Oscar Wilde.  Miranda Keeling is a published author and observer of everyday life. You can find her amazing work on X @MirandaKeeling. What follows is the poor man's version of things observed through my own eyes. Warning may contain swearing. January 2024 1st Somewhere behind a row of terraced houses the voice of a drunken man can be heard singing so  good, so good, so good without the musical accompaniment of Sweet Caroline  A father carries his little girl down the hill, she's got one welly on, one off which is being dutifully carried by mother alongside  14th On the side or a road a learner driver stands looking sheepish as the instructor tries to force out a broken panel on the rear right end. A timely reminder why it pays not to follow too closely behind learners  A full sized white mannequin stands outside a house sporting a pinny. It's about as random a thing as I've ever...

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Oscar Wilde.  Miranda Keeling is a published author and observer of everyday life. You can find her amazing work on X @MirandaKeeling. What follows is the poor man's version of things observed through my own eyes. Warning may contain swearing.  June 2022 18th A shopping trolley sits abandoned under a tree. It's frame touches the lowest of branches as if the world's most obscure fruits of natures labour Lightning lights up the sky as the rain thumps down rhythmically on the rooftops above reminding us all after temperatures of 30 plus degrees yesterday - this is what British summertime is really all about  19th The long side of a notebook reflects in a diet coke can. It's curvature and lines give the impression of a giant toothy grinning mouth September 2023 21st In the passenger seat of a car sits an incredibly large dog. His body is obscured but from the side its head is at the level yo...

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Oscar Wilde.  Miranda Keeling is a published author and observer of everyday life. You can find her amazing work on X @MirandaKeeling. What follows is the poor man's version of things observed through my own eyes. Warning may contain swearing. June 2025 1st Four motorcyclists ride past all bobbing their heads like they're at a music concert which makes for a most disconcerting sight given the only sound is of their engines  Quarter past ten and on a side street to a main road into town a large hedgehog ducks down outside a house like a small child playing hide and seek with their hands over their eyes believing they're invisible  A delivery driver in his 50s is sat in his car with arms folded and a look on his face of indignation wondering where it all went wrong  5th An electric car at dusk drives past with a single strip headlight across the bonnet making it look like a giant mobile...

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Oscar Wilde.  Miranda Keeling is a published author and observer of everyday life. You can find her amazing work on X @MirandaKeeling. What follows is the poor man's version of things observed through my own eyes. Warning may contain swearing. May 2025 1st A woman of slight build with dark curly hair walks a dog of slight build with dark curly hair, once more providing conclusive proof to the old adage that dogs look like their owners  On the hottest day of the year a young looking vicar, maybe in his early to mid 30s, walks down a hill staring intently at his mobile phone in hand. On his lower half shorts showing off his lily white legs. On top a black shirt fully buttoned up complete with white dog collar which surely in this heat is rather ironically the literal definition of hell on earth.  A woman pushes her young son in his buggy. He's holding a stuffed dinosaur in his hand, a little...

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Oscar Wilde.  Miranda Keeling is a published author and observer of everyday life. You can find her amazing work on X @MirandaKeeling. What follows is the poor man's version of things observed through my own eyes. Warning may contain swearing. April 2025 1st A toddler is getting a shoulder ride from her Dad. At some point she slips her right leg off his shoulder and ends up gripping his head sideways like they're in a wrestling match that she's winning  A dog wanders up to me as if to say hello. Its wet and bedraggled and thankfully stopping two yards short shakes the river water off onto the floor and not onto me  3rd New born lambs follow their mother around with large numbers spray painted in blue on them. I look forward to the day that the sheep rise up and seek retribution against the human race starting with babies and spray cans of their own  5th The top hand corner of the moon...