“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.”
Oscar Wilde.
Miranda Keeling is a published author and observer of everyday life. You can find her amazing work on X @MirandaKeeling. What follows is the poor man's version of things observed through my own eyes. Warning may contain swearing.
April 2025
1st
A toddler is getting a shoulder ride from her Dad. At some point she slips her right leg off his shoulder and ends up gripping his head sideways like they're in a wrestling match that she's winning
A dog wanders up to me as if to say hello. Its wet and bedraggled and thankfully stopping two yards short shakes the river water off onto the floor and not onto me
3rd
New born lambs follow their mother around with large numbers spray painted in blue on them. I look forward to the day that the sheep rise up and seek retribution against the human race starting with babies and spray cans of their own
5th
The top hand corner of the moon sits in the lunchtime sky like its been added as a transparent layer on photoshop
A rare British day. Sunshine and a 360° blue sky with not a cloud in sight anywhere
Two giant birds of prey circle in the sky with one trying to attack the other in a modern day Battle of Britain
An ageing dog moves along a path, it's back pegs held in situ in straps under which is a wide wheeled frame.
A young teenage girl does two cartwheels across an empty road in the dark and finishes with a celebration dance, albeit as to why exactly is anyone's guess
Across half of a road are barriers blocking the route. To the left a huge pile of the same barriers. No signage to suggest the road is closed which makes you surmise it's someone's idea of a practical joke. This guess is strengthened by the same setup on a side road a few hundred metres up. It would have been amusing were it not for the fact the first one is 50 yards from the entrance to the ambulance emergency centre
6th
Three young siblings on bikes go through a gate. The youngest, a girl of about five has dismounted from hers and runs headlong after a sheep and its two lambs who unsurprisingly run up a hill as she gets closer. The other two children ride past her and she suddenly realises how far away her bike is and starts to run back for it looking close to tears. I believe that's called karma
7th
On a 4x4 all terrain farm vehicle two sheep dogs hang their heads out of the open door, breeze in their faces whilst the sun beams down living their best lives
10th
A small white works van drives past with a miniature football kit in the window. Peak 1990s nostalgia, what killed their popularity?
In the afternoon sun lay three lambs. One sat eyes closed face towards the sun, the second behind looks comatose on its side and out for the count. The final one lays face first against its mother's body using her woolly coat as a pillow
12th
A little boy urinates into a hedge and gives his bum a good scratch for good measure. It's like observing a training school for the traditional behaviour for a certain subsection of English males
A sheep has what can best be described as a poorly shorn mohawk across its back as if someone started sheering both sides and stopped abruptly
11am and two farmers are helping a sheep giving birth. Close on 4pm mother and baby are sat in the afternoon sun. All around lambs aged between a few hours or days are a timely reminder for now at least that they're so more advanced than humans babies
A lamb springs a good foot in the air, bouncing up like a ball dropped from a great height
A man in his 20s walks with high waisted trousers, complete with belt and his polo shirt fully tucked in. It's how you'd imagine his mother would have dressed him on his first day at primary school and 20 years later he's clearly not changed his style. Either that or his mother still dresses him.
A large sheet of discarded plastic is caught high up in the branches of a tree held aloft like a football fan with a scarf but here instead showing its support for the vehicles that pass on the roads below
A classic open top sports car whines and grunts its way through the countryside. Every Noise a reminder of the car hard at work made in a time long before modern technology.
2219 hours on a Saturday night and a record shop is holding an event. Outside boxes of 7" and 12" records. On the front of the latter an album by Val Doonican. It doesn't really encourage anyone in 2025 still up past 10pm to crate dig
13th
In the distance children are playing. One child in particular rather randomly keeps shouting Uno, dos, tres in Spanish over and over at regular intervals. I'm not sure he knows any more Spanish by the sounds of things
Strong winds whip blossom through the air like a spring shower of pink and white petals
14th
An ice cream van blasts out the MOTD theme tune. A small boy who should really know better asks his grandmother what it is. She lies and tells him it's someone playing music from a garden. My parents told me it was the music man as a child and then my granddad asked if I wanted an ice cream. You always get caught out with your lies in the end
15th
I'm hit with a smell synonymous with farms. Trying to identify its source I turn my head left to find I'm eye level with a sheep. Either it has ridiculously long legs or the trailer it's travelling on the road in has two levels to it
A sheep cleans her new born lamb still with the afterbirth hanging down from behind her rear. Neither seem perturbed by the birth. Sheep very much appear to be winning in the evolution stakes when it comes to giving birth when compared to humans
Twenty minutes later I'm walking back past the mother and her lamb and stop to watch the lamb try to stand for the first time. A black lamb comes into view and gets in the way only to be headbutted really forcefully by the mother out of the way
Tuesday evening, dark skies and roadworks have cut off a single lane on a two way stretch. Lights turn to green and a car carries forward on the left hand side before grinding to a halt boxed in by cones only realising their error when its too late.
16th
A large modern tractor ploughs an undulating field and despite its size suddenly disappears totally from view at the midway point which dips down before climbing vastly again and reappears like a slight of hand magic trick on a grand scale
17th
A man is stood behind a trailer. He's so short I'm convinced he must be seated down out of view but drawing level he was standing which begs the question if every son is taller than their mother, then exactly how short is she?
A man stands in a field with a fishing rod casting it easily a mile from the nearest river. With him another man and two small children. Eventually I spot a beached toy aeroplane which has been eaten by the branches of a massive tree in front of them, the kind so big if they all joined hands in a ring around the trunk they might close the circle but only just.
As far as the eye can see lambs are putting the literal spring into the season of spring, bouncing around without a care in the world, each one putting a huge smile on my face with every jump
On the side of the road is the remanence of several smashed plates giving the impression that there's been a traditional Greek Street party taking place earlier in the day.
18th
A learner driver stalls an expensive looking silver Audi blocking a road that is notorious for vehicles speeding on. Incredibly there's nothing on her side of the road and gets away without causing a major incident or accident. I imagine the parent is re-evaluating the cost of lessons vs the cost of repairing the car after an accident
A couple walk through a woods. The woman is so caught up in the sound of her own voice that when she fishes her underwear out of her backside she doesn't check to consider whether there was anyone else behind. There was and it's an image I didn't need to see
Good Friday and in the Suffolk sky a plane has left what I think is supposed to be a giant cross followed by an equals sign and a heart. As always someone trying to push religion down your throat
The front right wheel on an expensive looking Volvo 4x4 looks like it was taken from a rusting 1980s Ford Cortina that had been sat stored in a garage for decades held onto for a just moment such as this one. Somewhere a man is gleefully telling his wife - see I told you it would come in handy one day didn't I? She may have murdered him with the jack.
On a trailer sits an old C reg tractor which is battered beyond belief but a great example of Japanese wabi sabi. There's real beauty, charm and character in the old girl
19th
The illusion of safety demonstrated in the form of a woman letting her small white dog hang half way out of the window in a moving 4x4. One sharp application of brakes and the dog becomes a projectile out the window, or strangled if she has a grip on the lead or the hammer delivering a fatal blow if a force sends it flying inside. But they're in a 4x4, zero recognition this could ever happen
2 Canada Geese lay in the long green grass of a crop. 2 immigrants that at some stage will complete their visit and move on again and keep repeating until they die. Many people could do with being reminded about that when discussing immigration
20th
A woman stands Ellen DeGeneres style taking a selfie with half a dozen people stood on a bank several feet behind.
A family are sat on or around a bench. The Dad fusses over a dog, the youngest child happily eating. On the bench three generations of women, a young girl, her mother and her mother in turn. Finally an old man stood by the end of the three. The girl is signing and the two women respond. Originally I thought maybe she was teaching them. The older man signs something different back. I'm guessing the grand parents are deaf, maybe their daughter too. Whatever, its a heartwarming and touching scene.
Behind a fence a sheep and 2 lambs, one white and one black stare at me intently like I'm the Easter entertainment
The exhaust of a classic two seater Lancia purrs like a docile cat, busy waiting to unleash a full roar on the roads if given just half a chance
A bass line reverberates from a car through the countryside as it draws ever closer. Two beats can be heard one following the other quickly timed at the same intervals like a loud beating heart
An Ipswich fan freshly back from the game clutches a match programme and a tub of Häagen Dazs ice cream clearly in need of comfort food having seen his side thumped 4-0 at Arsenal
A woman in her 30s sits abreast a beautifully restored small vintage red tractor, shades on as it trundles up a hill doing no more than 15 mph. Behind her a man with a white beard in the big glass box of the type of Tractor I had toys of as a child. Behind them both a snake of traffic no doubt cursing their slow procession through the Suffolk countryside
21st
Overnight rains appears to have brought with it an explosion of foliage from an abundance of trees like a visual sigh or relief after weeks of dry weather.
A mother and daughter walk in the countryside. They sport the same pink patterned walking socks, the same boots, atop their heads the same long curly hair. You wouldn't need a DNA test to be certain.
A woman in her 60s makes a sound of exasperation as her hulking greyhound tries to investigate every pile of sheep poo they pass. They've gone maybe 50 metres with at least 300 more piles to pass
A toddler uneasy on her feet grabs onto a gate and shakes it with a look of unbridled joy on her little face. Yards away lambs less than a month old charge about having perfected walking and running within a day or two of being born
A family of four cycle past. The mother appears to be super organised confirming the sign for the blue trail is 5 kms, the green 9 kms. I imagine in her kitchen a board with jobs listed, her computer an abundance of spreadsheets. There's no discussion that follows, her bike is angled to green, the father out front pedals off on blue.
A sheep which appears to be newly shorn still has a spot on its back like a random giant brush
22nd
A sheep's body flexes in the same manner as a humans with hiccups, sadly I had my headphones in so cannot confirm or deny whether that was actually the case
The sound of a woodpecker hammering a tree in rapid short bursts provides a wonderful noise which pierces across an otherwise silent field
Two lambs dip their heads as if ready to ruck but sensibly neither commits and it ends up a comical watch. Half hour later on a small holding and two rams smash into each other with the sort of violence you might expect to find in a Glasgow pub after a row escalates
24th
A bus stops in front of a telegraph pole which covered two words on the giant advertisement on the side to make it now read Death Unicorn sounding like a forthcoming concert for a shit thrash metal band
Six horses graze in a field only one of whom has a jacket on which is grey with random black lines with an orange trim making him look like the equine equivalent of a chav. If horses could talk no doubt they'd be telling him he looks a complete and utter twat
Hundreds of gulls circle over the top of Asda. My first thought is the potential of being shat on, the second I'm glad I'm not eating chips
Two teenage girls practice playing rugby in a car park. The one with the ball moves back swaying from side to side. I'm no expert but I'm guessing she should be moving forward. It all ends with her gripping her bladder rather than the ball in a fit of hysterics
25th
An Egyptian goose honks on repeat like a broken car alarm without stopping rather annoyingly for the best part of two minutes or more
A couple in their 20s walk arm in arm. They appear to be walking at the same pace but sporadically she has to break into a quick trot to keep up
26th
Four women who shall we say politely have somewhat rounded figures are each dressed in tops of varying colours are stood together talking in a green field. I can't help but immediately think of the Teletubbies
First home game for a village cricket team. A bowler off a short run up gets one to lift, the batsman sways back, the wicket keeper and slips go up in triumph convinced the batsman nicked the ball but the umpire is unmoved by their appeals
Two fields split by a forest are busily being converted for horse trials. There's a lot of work ongoing, a multitude of cars but not a single horse in sight
27th
14 men and women who appear of pensionable age adorn benches outside a church and space around those. All dressed in walking gear you'd be forgiven for thinking that maybe they're an outside tea club in fancy dress
A giant horsebox is forced into reversing on a steep incline to make room for an old woman on a mobility scooter with a small dog on a lead. As bizarre Mexican standoffs go this is right up there
A horse being led through a forest whinnies loudly. If it's seeking attention it definitely worked
Two motorbikes thunder through the countryside, the first is sat atop by someone wearing a helmet adorned with viking horns and a ginger beard.
Three m.a.m.i.l's ride slowly up a hill with an ever growing convoy of cars behind them. That's middle-aged males in lycra for the avoidance of doubt
A man is his early 20s scoops his girlfriend into his arms and carries her for about 20 yards before he changes his mind and thinks fuck this
The sun does its level best to burst through from behind a giant cloud as rays of sunlight protrude out from all sides
A woman and her daughter are walking. The mother says I'm going to go Woodpecker and the daughter replies with a long hmmmmmm clearly not convinced (I have no idea what word my phone autocorrected to woodpecker).
A glider turns high in the sky before falling out of my eyeline behind some trees. Clear of the obstruction I cannot find it in the sky again no matter where I look.
I try do the maths on the value of all the 4x4s, horse boxes and the equine at a pony club event. If it's not seven figures then it wouldn't be far off
A little Boy cuts a peculiar sight. He's dressed in shorts and Wellington boots. A mask covers his face and on his eyes what could well be swimming goggles. He pushes a child's wheelbarrow across a front lawn. Behind him presumably his father whose face is similarly adorned with an industrial mask. Seems all a little OTT
In the English countryside an archetypal view you'd expect to have been lifted straight from an old novel. A couple sit upon a picnic blanket. To their left a game of village cricket plays out with everyone dressed in their whites. To the right a pony gymkhana.
Half a dozen youths walk down the road openly smoking weed under the impression this somehow makes them road men. The one at the front has a slim man bag around his neck which makes him look as hard as a 9 year old girl with her first handbag at a family wedding. On his feet white socks and sliders which for someone my age is one fashionably criminal faux pas away from jesus sandals and white socks
On the far horizon the tip of the setting sun burns an incredibly beautiful bright pink colour.
28th
Two council workers are cutting the grass moving around trees in a circular motion before passing in the world's oddest balletic display
A security guard is wearing a shoulder holster which feels a bit much until I see it's holding a walkie talkie
A man in his 20s shouts into his phone stating he's coming on to the next estate. He's so loud he could have saved himself a phone call
Council workers have moved around a car illegally parked on a grass verge. I'd like to see the sheepish look on their face when they return and drive off again
Walking past a drain in the road it rustles loudly testing my heart still works. I do not stop to check what caused the noise instead concentrating on swallowing my heart so it goes out of my mouth and back to where it should be living
A delivery driver stands outside the doors of a flat waiting patiently looking up. A couple of minutes pass and a woman comes out of the door two blocks down to claim her meal
Having just got my heart back in place a pigeon bursts from a tiny tree and flies a couple of inches above my head launching with a loud clap of its wings.
A large grazing shire horse somehow still manages to appear insignificant alone in a paddock some 200 metres in length.
It's a quarter past ten and a man in his 20s is walking up a road in dark sunglasses having an argument either with himself or his imaginary friend…and maybe we'll walk a little quicker past him and don't look back.
A legless ironing board sits propped against a wall like an abandoned surf board that had the right shape but too many holes in the middle to have ever been buoyant enough to stand up on
29th
A man runs around a field topless wearing only shorts, a baseball cap and canned headphones like he's auditioning for a remake of Baywatch
30th
A magpie hops across the road giving you the impression it may have been a kangaroo in its past life
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