A forever work in progress

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Oscar Wilde.  Miranda Keeling is a published author and observer of everyday life. You can find her amazing work on X @MirandaKeeling. What follows is the poor man's version of things observed through my own eyes. Warning may contain swearing. March 2025 1st The smallest car I've ever seen drives past in red. Wide enough only for a single passenger it appears like it shrank in the wash. You'd not survive inside it if hit by a lorry  At a junction the sun reflects off the silver lady of a Rolls Royce complete with full wooden coachwork on the back. This is a very grand old lady still ruling the roads but now at a very leisurely pace  In top of a seven foot hedge sit two dozen or more chaffinch unmoved by passers by as if they're sat motionless playing the child's game what's the time Mr Wolf  A tractor with a large trailer full of parts hurtles around a corner and slams on the bra...

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Oscar Wilde.  Miranda Keeling is a published author and observer of everyday life. You can find her amazing work on X @MirandaKeeling. What follows is the poor man's version of things observed through my own eyes. Warning may contain swearing. February 2025 1st Four men stand in a field facing west with shotguns in hand ready to shoot. Here in the countryside no one bats an eyelid. In the City there'd be a full lockdown at the same spectacle. A woman talks to her toddler whilst pushing him in a pushchair completely oblivious to the fact the child is sound asleep  A teenage girl roller skates down a road with flashing wheels that look like they belong on a fairground. Her feet scream excitement, her facial expression says - meh  3rd A man walks carrying a Lonsdale weight shaped into a small loop making it appear he's carrying the world's heaviest handbag  A Postman walks in shorts betw...

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Oscar Wilde.  Miranda Keeling is a published author and observer of everyday life. You can find her amazing work on X @MirandaKeeling. What follows is the poor man's version of things observed through my own eyes. Warning may contain swearing. January 2025 2nd After the heavy rains on New Years Day came a cold snap turning all the puddles into miniature ice skating rings for all the local wildlife  3rd Two young teenage girls are walking when one falls over. Instead of helping her friend, the smaller of the two is bent over laughing so much that she admits very loudly that she wet herself in the process of laughing.  4th A tall skinny middle aged man walks in a long length purple coat which looks like he's either colour blind or put on his wife's coat  18th A little girl in a padded winter romper suit is happily destroying mole hills. She runs excitedly to the next one but as she arri...

"You should avoid following anyone on Twitter who has a pinned tweet at the top of their profile which is more than three months old. They're unwittingly telling you that they've not had anything of note to say in the intervening period and instead are clinging onto the one thing they did write that was deemed marginally clever or memorable in the hope anyone visiting their page for the first time will instantly think this is representative of that person. It's the same reason people arrange their bookshelves with titles that visitors will think well they must be intelligent if they've read all these impressively named books by distinguished academics and authors . Pick a book off the shelf, read the blurb to familiarise yourself with its contents and ask them what they thought of the book. Chances are the books they have actually read from cover to cover are all hidden behind." Emily made a mental note to unpin her last tweet when the train pulled back into c...

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" "Not when looking at you, no." Oh well at least my dinner is warmer than the reaction I've just been handed he thought to himself. To say that didn't go as well as planned may be an understatement. Then he remembered the expression about having your arse handed to you on a plate and suddenly his meal felt less appetising than it did just ten seconds before he opened his mouth without thinking through fully what he was about to say. Try picturing an old man on a small rickety rowing boat desperately trying to make it ashore as waves crash all around him and that will go some way to letting you feel his current predicament. His primary school teacher Mrs Winterborne had always told him remember to think before you speak , but boys will be boys and let good advice go in one ear and straight out the other uncontested. If you want to know who in class touched the wet paint, rarely would you start with the girl's hands...

Mustafa claps his hands together loudly, roars with laughter in a manner that causes a feeling of great unease to the man sat across the table from him who instinctively finds himself nervously shuffling back in his chair. Maybe he's thinking that as if by some minor miracle the inch or two he'd moved back is going to aid his cause in that very moment and make the world of difference to his safety. Times like these call for a woman's intuition to help you make a correct judgement call on what to do next. Sadly this wasn't a power he'd been biologically blessed with at birth. His feet were turning instinctively towards the exit powered by his subconscious mind whilst his brain was sat like a wind up toy waiting for someone to turn the key and make it spring into action. Mustafa stops his maniacal laugh dead, moves his vast mass against the table causing it to move forward with a loud scraping sound that sends several eyeballs darting the way of where the pair are sat...

With apologies in advance, yes I've been out and about again. Here's the world seen through my eyes... A woman stops with her dog and tells it to sit. Instead it actually goes up onto its hind legs and pushes her on the chest with its front two. I'm thinking that it clearly needs some work and that the woman must be strong because she didn't move back an inch and the dog looks really powerful. A garage door is open, loud music plays inside and a man is sat upon an exercise bike cranking out the watts. A man in his 50s next door is struggling to get into a red Mazda sports car. Should have thought the midlife crisis through a bit more before he brought it.  A women's bike complete with front basket lays crestfallen on a path. From a distance it looks like workmen have tried to camouflage their work van under branches. Only when you get close can you see a tree has fallen down onto it and is now blocking the road. The tree is at least 40 foot in length. The workmen wi...