“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.”
Oscar Wilde.
Miranda Keeling is a published author and observer of everyday life. You can find her amazing work on X @MirandaKeeling. What follows is the poor man's version of things observed through my own eyes. Warning may contain swearing.
February 2025
1st
Four men stand in a field facing west with shotguns in hand ready to shoot. Here in the countryside no one bats an eyelid. In the City there'd be a full lockdown at the same spectacle.
A woman talks to her toddler whilst pushing him in a pushchair completely oblivious to the fact the child is sound asleep
A teenage girl roller skates down a road with flashing wheels that look like they belong on a fairground. Her feet scream excitement, her facial expression says - meh
3rd
A man walks carrying a Lonsdale weight shaped into a small loop making it appear he's carrying the world's heaviest handbag
A Postman walks in shorts between houses. On the back of his left calf numerous tattoo's one of which is of a hand giving the middle finger. You didn't see that on Postman Pat.
A man is doing circuits walking down a steep hill and running back up. He couldn't have looked more miserable if he tried
Behind a long row of trees several spotlights beam piercing the branches with their light. This is accompanied by a loud ominous thumping sound like thunder coming up from the earth. It has the feel of a dystopian nightmare but in reality a sugar beet field is being harvested and the wares deposited into a following tractor
5th
On a private estate a man stops walking along a tarmac track and puts down his ski poles and takes off a backpack which has a long pole. He's wearing a cycling helmet but has no bike. He removes a covering to reveal a full sized broom with which he starts to sweep the road. Bemused doesn't even start to cover my thoughts. I have far too many questions
10th
A man walking his dog lifts a tennis ball thrower in preparation to get it launched but somehow contrived to launch it backwards and stands with a look of confusion on his face. Interestingly the dog is unmoved as if it's seen it all before
For the best part of a minute one of the main A roads falls deadly silent as no traffic comes from either direction. Its eerie and yet beautiful at the same time
13th
On a cold day a woman tells her dog to sit several times and is ignored. If dogs could talk you imagine it would say 'why don't you try sitting on a freezing cold pavement with a bare bum.'
16th
From the recesses of the countryside a low grumbling noise begins and with every passing second turns more into a roar and finally a dozen or so two seater sports cars made up of TVRs and Mazdas come into view
In a tree which must be a good 40ft off the floor if not more sits a heron with its sharp beak pointing down as if ready to launch itself like a giant spear on something unsuspecting below
A figure dressed all in black including a hood walks across a field with their head bowed down looking like the grim reaper minus the staff. They stop and turn to look straight at me and briefly I'm wishing I didn't have such an over active imagination.
20th
At a set of metal bars a dog goes through the hole of the first and then diverts sharply round the down pole of the second leaving its lead severely twisted. Instead of getting annoyed the owner simply laughs at the ridiculousness of it all, passes the lead through the hole and carries on her walk
23rd
A woman walks in front of me wearing a hat that is poking up above her head, her trousers also the same height above her ankles like they're both connected and someone pulled the hat up and both rose at the same time
I watch a heron fly across a farmers field and as it comes to land realise that there's a second already stood further up and feel this strange warmth of joy warm through my body.
A woman on a bike has stopped and is trying to position her child's head in the seat behind upright who has fallen asleep and is flopped like a raggy doll.
24th
Two large yellow indistinct trucks rumble up the road. As I try work out what they're for it becomes quickly apparent upon discovery both are named. First - Gritney Spears, the second - The Grit Gatsby
25th
Eight sheep have been given a few acres to themselves to roam about in. Hopefully they've not been left as lawn mowers because that's some level of commitment needed on each of their parts.
26th
About half a kilometre of path had been coned off for a new surface to be laid in tar. Incredibly every segment is covered in fresh footprints making you wonder - what is wrong with people
A woman with a hood up restricting her view desperately calls for her dog. Finally she does a 180° degree turn and starts walking still calling. Behind her out trots the dog nonchalant. Just at the point she turns anticlockwise he passes to her right comically out of view
Just before a quarter past ten a fat man in his mid 20s walks topless balancing atop a flat railing. Sometimes when you think you've seen it all in life you're proved wrong
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