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Like a pound shop David Attenborough

"Jesus Christ Michael what the fuck happened to your eye?" My younger sister Maria asks me before stepping in to take a closer look and rather unsportingly pokes it with that special kind of love only a sibling can show to another.

"OW, What the actual fuck Maria, Why did you have to poke it?"

As you might have already guessed compassion isn't one of her strongest points especially when it comes to me anyways. She's not going to volunteer to take a bullet to save my life. To be fair I wouldn't volunteer if the roles were reversed so I guess we're even. 

"Try wiping that stupid smile off your face?"

"What, you can't take a joke now?"

"How the fuck is jamming your finger into my black eye supposed to be funny?"

"If you want to be technical Michael I didn't jam it, I poked it and it was pretty funny actually."

"Well hah fucking hah."

"Don't be lemon Michael, you know it doesn't suit you."

"Is there something you want?"

"Yeah there is, I wanna know how you got your black eye?"

"How about it's none of your business?"

Maria turns to Andy, my so called best mate. "Hey Andy, how'd my brother get his black eye?"

"Oh some chick punched him in bed last night," he tells her very matter of factly. I make a mental note never to tell Andy anything ever again. 

"Damn Michael I didn't know you were into that kind of kinky shit? Hey Andy, why'd she punch him?"

"Oh that part was pretty funny actually. Apparently she came out of the bathroom wearing leopard print underwear and not much else and she got on her knees crawling and roaring and shit and she says to him does this turn you on? and he goes not really I feel like a Pound Shop David Attenborough and she stood up and punched him right in the eye, picked up her things and left him there holding his eye with his hand instead of his cock. That was the funniest shit I ever heard."

Andy starts chuckling away for what must be the twentieth time since I told him how it happened and Maria quickly joins I'm. They're like two caged monkeys jumping up on a chain fence in the zoo howling away in unison. I'll just wait from the visitors gallery to see what shit the pair throw at me next. 

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