Oh no he's been writing one of those observation pieces again where he thinks he's really clever. Apologies in advance...
A stick on the path is curled one end making it look like a snake ready to attack. I startle a pigeon sat above me in a tree which flies off and treats me to an impromptu shower from the raindrops on its branches that I didn't order. A large metallic burnt orange 4x4 drives past through puddles which gives the most satisfying sound.
A couple are walking their dogs. The woman says "So you'll have a pea sandwich will you?" What on God's green earth is a pea sandwich? Speaking of God as I segue perfectly into my next observation, the Jehovah's witnesses are out in force around the estates. An older woman asks me if she can give me a leaflet. I am at least polite when saying "no thank you."
The long grass on an embankment is flattened down. Could have been the earlier rain or maybe some baby giant pandas all rolled down it. I'll be incredibly sad if it was the latter and I missed it.
A ladybird sits upon a large torn leaf of a corn plant. I'm assuming it's torn and not been fully digested by the little creature. The hair of thousands of blonde and purple troll dolls peer out from the centre of the crops. Perhaps they're planning a mass invasion of the town in the coming days?
The threat of rain lingers in the air and yet despite the earlier rain it still feels like you're being cuddled by an unwelcome grizzly bear.
The straw bales dotted around the fields now sit like Weetabix left in milk overnight, too soggy for their own good. An off white dog runs through a wet middy ploughed field. Walkies before they left. Bath time when they get back. It'll definitely be an off, off white even before they make it back home.
A dead deer has laid by the side of a road all week in the baking sun. Overnight it's insides have burst and it's now covered in thousands of maggots feasting on the remains. I make a note to self to get cremated when I go.
A woman walks a dog in brilliant white trousers which is an incredibly bold move walking through the countryside. They wouldn't come back that colour if I was wearing them. A man blows his nose and reminds me of the ferries coming in and out of Southsea when I was little.
A small child squeezes sideways through a gap in a door just large enough to get their body through. It's not at all obvious as to why from a distance. Maybe it's on a chain and this is their break for freedom.
I'm on my third free shower of the day from startling birds from trees above me. None of them have been welcome.
A motorised hang glider moves in and out of view behind low lying clouds. Ten year old me would be dreaming of getting in one and flying it. Present day me is busy acknowledging there's no way you'd get me up in one of those things.
***
Mist at dusk is always a mystical sight to behold as it hovers silently above a field just waiting to be watched in awe.
A woman lets her dog off the leash and it bolts before she changes her mind.
A rather posh woman tells her friends it's nice to walk as they've been sat on their behinds which she says like Bee (insert a deliberate gap) hinds.
A boy stands in front of a pile of boxes which suddenly move into a garage without him touching them making him appear like his jedi training is near completion.
A teenage boy rides his bike with a few faster pedal turns as he goes down a one way street the wrong way with no lights on.
Must be his lucky night as less than a minute later a BMW estate is floored up the other direction going way too fast for a built up residential area.
A group of women are murdering a song so badly on karaoke that I couldn't tell you what it was supposed to be if my life depended on it.
Two Americans walk down a hill, their accents confirming they're a long way from home.
From the dark giggles fill the air, into the light come a teenage girl and boy who run down one driveway, around a parked car and up the driveway next door. He's chasing her, all that's missing is the Benny Hill theme.
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