“All men are bastards.”
“Nooooo, don't be silly. Not all men are bastards. Arse holes maybe. Not bastards.”
“OK I stand corrected, all men are bastards.”
“No, not all men.”
“Fine. Well, all of the world's worst problems can be traced back to men.”
“Like what?”
“Like… wars. When was the last time a woman started a war?”
“Oh. I've no idea.”
“See!”
Mary didn't reply, instead she wraps her hands around her warm coffee cup and stares at the rain drops running down the window, all the time deep in thought.
Karen sat basking in the warm glow of having made her point and was feeling rightly smug until Mary turned her head back and said “Margaret Thatcher, 1982.”
“Oh. Well to be fair that's hardly the current day is it? That's got to be at least 40 years ago.”
“43.”
“See I was right I said at least 40 clever clogs. Besides, Thatcher was a bloke in a dress. She definitely wore the trousers in her marriage.”
Mary laughed at her friend and went back to staring out the window. Meanwhile Karen's picked up her phone and is busy typing something because Mary can hear her nails tap, tap, tapping on the screen. Subtlety wasn't exactly something her friend is famed for.
“Soooo according to this.”
Oh here we go, Mary thinks to herself.
“The Argentinians invaded the Falkland Islands.”
“Yes Karen. I knew that and didn't need Google to tell me. The Falklands are a British island, not an Argentinian one, they're not going to invade their own island are they?”
“Oh. Well I guess not. But the Argentinians started it.”
“True but they didn't go to war over it. Thatcher sent in the troops. So technically she started the war.”
“In 1982.”
“Yes, in 1982.”
“Good just so we're clear.”
“We're clear.”
“Good.”
Mary went back to her window. There's something to be said for silence when enjoying a nice cup of coffee. Sadly for Mary it didn't last long.
“Men are an issue for women from the time they can have children to the time they can no longer have children.” Mary thinks about ignoring Karen but knows it won't be of any use, better to get it out of the way. She turns her body back once more to face her friend.
“Go on then, enlighten me. I can see you're almost wetting yourself with excitement to tell me why.”
“Well, think about it. When we start our periods it's called men-struation and finally we end up with the men-opause!” Karen raises her eyebrows and Mary wishes she'd not taken that last mouthful of coffee and she spits it back into her cup laughing.
“Oh you cow. That's a good one. Very funny. You owe me another coffee.”
“Oh what. Why? It's not my fault you spat it back out.”
“Well now that is true, but you were the one that made me laugh.”
“I can't help what amuses you and what doesn't. How was I to know you'd laugh?”
“Karen we've been friends since we were 4. You know full well what makes me laugh and what doesn't.”
“OK, maybe I had an inkling. It's a good joke though isn't it?”
“Was that your aim all along? To just get to a point where you could deliver that punchline?”
“No. Christ, how sad do you think I am?”
“Exactly that sad. You need to get out more.”
“I'm sat in the coffee shop with you now aren't I?”
“True. But out even more than that!”
Karen rolled her eyes like one of her teenage daughters does to her on a daily basis.
“I tell you what though Karen you'd have been impressed with your Godson last week.”
“Oh, why? What's he been up to?”
“Oh nothing he's been up to, something he said and observed. He was coming back from college and apparently one of the families from around the corner were walking across their garden. Mum, Dad and two kids somewhere between 5 and 8 and he said Mum, why is it that here's this woman, probably in her late to mid 30s, still very attractive, who clearly goes to great lengths to take care of her figure even after two children, is married to a man about the same age he presumed, but looked like he was nine months pregnant. What must she think when she sees him every day mum?”
“Oh you're doing a grand job with him Mary.”
“I know I did give myself a little pat on the back. Mind you he didn't look happy when I asked him why he was interested and did he think she might like a toyboy?”
“Oh you are rotten.”
“I know but you've got to have fun where you can find it at our age.”
“True, true. Like making you laugh your coffee into your cup.”
“Ah yes, well reminded. It's your turn to buy.”
“Fine.”
“Karen, one day the wind will change and your eyes will be stuck in the back of your head like that where you've rolled them at me or someone else.”
“Great, means I won't be able to see the mess in the house. Every silver cloud and all that. “
“Oh you silly sausage. Go order my coffee.”
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