Always start low and aim high

“We had the perfect night. Ben made it so special. I literally felt like I was floating on air.”

“Sounds like a big dose of heartbreak waiting to happen if you ask me.”

“Seriously? Are you joking me right now? Did I even ask you by the way?”

“Does it look like I'm joking?”

“Fuck you sis. You're always jealous. Which bit of perfect night did you not hear?”

“Oh I heard it. It won't last though.”

“Have you been watching Sherlock on iPlayer again? Go on then genius, tell me exactly why it's doomed to failure?”

“Because love is a drug. You're an addict. Any addict will spend their life chasing the hit the first high gave them but the body's chemistry doesn't work like that. You can't top a drugs first high, it's all downhill from there. You'll chase it and chase it and when it doesn't come it'll destroy you.”

“I don't even know what that means.”

“Well, ask a heroin addict.”

“Do you know any heroin addicts?”

“Ohhh erm well not that I'm aware of.”

“Not that you're aware of? Brilliant. Well thank you very much Miss Marple.”

“Wait. Upgrade or downgrade from Sherlock?”

“Not sure it matters.”

“It matters to me.”

“Maybe think about that the next time before you speak?”

“Look I'm just saying OK, you know, don't pin your hopes on him being the one. You need to go in at the bottom and build your way up. It's expectations management for your mind, body and soul. You need room to grow. Hang on, let me Deepseek this shit.”

“Deepseek this shit? Who are you? Are we even related?”

“Ahhh here we go - As a person continues to use drugs, the brain adapts by reducing the ability of cells in the reward circuit to respond to it.”

“Can we stop referring to Ben as a drug?”

“Well your brain won't know that? To your brain Ben is like Molly. I'm going to call Ben Molly to remind you what you're doing to yourself.”

“Don't you fucking dare.”

“On some level you know I'm right. Did you put out?”

“I'm not answering that.”

“So you did. Bad move. Treat em mean, keep em keen.”

“Does anyone say that anymore? That sounds like a line mum would have used in the 1990s.”

“I just used it.”

“Well I'm starting to suspect you were dropped on your head as a baby.”

“£20 says Molly ain't the one.”

“Oh do fuck off you're boring me now.”

“£50.”

“I said fuck off."

"What happens if he takes you to … to Burger King on your next date?"

"Well I love a Whopper!"

"Oh so the rumours are true then?"

"Oh you're so funny, not!"

"Now who's using lines from the 1990s?"

"He could be the one."

"Yes Molly could be the one."

"Stop calling him Molly. You're so irritating!"

"Not my problem. Think of me as the angel on your shoulder. The voice of reason. You'll thank me one day."

"You know what, I doubt it. £50 says I don't."

"Hmmmm no you're stubborn. Yeah I'm not taking that bet. OK how about I promise to try not to say I told you so when it doesn't work out?"

"How about you promise to change the subject?"

"Look I just want you to be happy. Do you remember the night when your clutch bag and your phone got stolen and then you broke your heel and tried to walk back barefoot?"

"That wasn't a date night though. That was a nightmare that manifested into reality."

"I didn't say it was a date. However, someone you'd never met took the time to help you. Remind me what happened?"

"How is this relevant?"

"Look humour me for two minutes."

"OK fine. I was doing my makeup in the mirror and this woman stands beside me and she's telling me I've got amazing eyes and we're having a conversation with each other in the mirror for two or three minutes. I look down to get something else and all my stuff is gone. I've no money, no phone to call anyone and ended up trying to walk home, broke my heel on my left shoe and walked barefoot. Got home. The end.”

"What about the part between breaking the heel and getting home?"

"Ohhhh I see where this is going now. You think mystery man was the one, don't you?"

"Maybe."

"Well he wasn't."

"You said he was cute right?"

"Well yeah OK he was cute but that doesn't make him the one."

"So if my memory is correct he stopped because he could see you were upset. Asked you if listening would help as a starting point. Gave you his jacket so you weren't cold. You ended up talking until the sun came up. He got you to a taxi rank, told you to tell the driver where you lived out of ear shot. Agreed a price, paid the fare, didn't try to get in the vehicle with you. Does that about cover it?"

"Yeah pretty much. Look, what's your point?"

"That maybe he was the one."

"You've been watching too many rom coms"

"Rom coms are romantic comedies. I don't think anyone was laughing other than those who stole your stuff."

"I still don't get your point. No, I get your point. I don't share your point."

"You should have taken his number."

"I didn't have my phone!"

"What did people do before mobile phones were invented?"

"Well I didn't have a pen and paper either and it was 6am and I wasn't going to knock on someone's door and say excuse me do you have a pen and a piece of paper, besides there's no way I'd have remembered his number."

"Fine, I'll give you that one. He might have had a business card? You could have given him your number."

"For a stolen phone I no longer had?"

"Ahhh good point."

"What would you have done?”

“Me? I'd have had a wee, glanced in the mirror and walked out with my phone in my pocket, enjoyed my evening, booked an Uber and missed my chance of meeting Mr Right."

"Huh. Well you got me there. I can't argue that one. That sounds exactly like what you'd have done."

"Well maybe you'll randomly bump into him one day."

"Look, for the record, as I already told you, my date with Molly was incredible. Ohhhh my God now I'm calling him Molly too. I hate you so much."

"Nah, you love me really."