“Emma, I'll start with you. If you could tell your teenage self one thing, what would it be?”
“Well Andrew I think I'd start with saying don't cry over breakups, even Hollywood doesn't try to sell you a movie about Childhood Sweethearts. Don't invest all your energy into friendships. Friendship groups at school become like recycling plastic waste and newspapers, you put them out with the rubbish and someone else makes use of them. Don't hang onto things for the sake of sentimentality and that especially includes friendships and relationships. And get used to the fact that people will get upset over the treatment and suffering of cats and dogs way more than they ever will over their fellow human beings.”
“Wow Emma, powerful stuff there. Also a lot more than one thing.”
“I'm sorry, you're right you did say one thing but let's be honest women like to talk so…”
“Oh really? Huh. I guess I never noticed that before. I'm just going to write that down for future reference if you can hear me scribbling at home. Women… like… to… talk. Good to know, thank you for sharing that titbit. I guess maybe more importantly, do you think your teenage self would have listened to that advice?”
“Honestly?”
“Of course.”
“No, not at all. She'd have cried over her first broken heart, spent all her time trying to be popular, stuffing tissue into her first bra and … I'm going to stop there before I say too much and give away too many secrets.”
“Probably a good idea. Jordan, what about you, what advice would you give to your teenage self?”
“Oh that's simple, I'd say bet everything you have on Leicester to win the Premier League title in 2015/16 at a 1000/1.”
“OK, OK, slightly less nuanced than Emma's reply I have to admit. I'll repeat the follow up question, do you think your teenage self would have listened?”
“Yeah man of course, didn't you ever watch the Back to the Future films where Biff goes back in time with the Sports Almanac?”
“He makes a valid point there listeners. Jordan, if you do get to time travel, please let me know before you go and I'll give you some money to place that bet for me because no offence, I think if I ask you to come find me and give me that advice I'm going to laugh in your face. We'll be right back after these messages from our sponsors.”
“Oh I didn't see you standing there hovering in the door love, you OK?”
“Yeah sorry, I was just about to put the kettle on and make a brew and wondered what you were listening to. Ever thought about what you'd tell your teenage self?”
“Oh God yeah all the time.”
“Oh OK. Should I ask what you'd say?”
“Probably not because you wouldn't be standing there now. Milk and two sugars there's a love.”
“Cheeky cow.”
“You know you love me really.”
“After the last twenty seconds I'm not sure I do anymore. I'll try not to spit in your brew.”
“Awwww you say the loveliest of things. If you could avoid the spitting though, that would be great.”
Please feel free to leave a comment if you liked the post, or offer constructive criticism if you didn't. If you did like it please check out the rest of the posts or consider sharing with a friend. Thank you for taking the time to read my work nevertheless it's greatly appreciated.
Comments
Post a Comment